Men on the mind

sorry its been a couple of days again. i think i have now gotten into a routine of write every like 4-5 days :P this week hasnt been to interesting. went out on saturday for Stevens 18th birthday which was lush, bumped into nick who was inthe same resturant celebrating which was surprising lol bit of drama with his gf but hey ho its been over fb so i dont mind she didnt mention anything when i saw her on saturday. i guess its my fault but i think its more her insecurities.

sent off my application for the visual merchindising job 2day so hopefully someone will get back to me on that which would be fab!

Mr T is back on the scene don't quite know how to play it, but atm i'm just having some fun, he wants to see me on saturday as he has a free house. god knows what will happen things like this have been said before and then never happened so i wouln't put any money on it. god knows what my mum would say as i'm 18, well in a week and he is 23 :P lol i love older men.

am meeting up with Mr S after he has been to the gym, we are going for noodles so that should be good. god knows what is going on there either, i really really like him but he is one of my best friends and i am not firned with any of my ex boy friends and i dont know if i would risk the relationship. i wish i was a couple of years older so i was a bit wiser and knew more about what to do in these situations lol

will talk to you soon

xxx

Growing up is a pain!

god has been exactly a week since i last wrote in this! i'm sure last time it was all drama drama drama! nothing much has gone on, at all this week. Have just been going to work, then coming home and sleeping cuase i am exhausted! lame times! am trying to write a covering letter atm for a new job ( either a sales assistant position or visual merchandisiong) that i am applying for which would be fab! alot more money that i'm getting atm and would be amazing experience!

the sea saw of college or working then becoming a water sports instructor is still continuing, its balanced atm as i am not sure which route to take as both can lead to exciting new lives. However atm i really dont want to live at home for another 2 years which i would have to do for college but then again anything can happen i just need to try and decide before september. i get this flitting from one idea to another from my dad, who does it all the time, i just cant seem to stick to one thing and my decision making is so poor! i dont have a clue how i make any choises, but i guess its becuase i just dont want to screw up then be sat months from now woundering why i made the decision and if it was the correct one to make!

i guess thats the game of life through and i just need to learn how to play. really there arnt really any wrong decision becuause you shouldn't have any regrets and they each lead to more decision and the journey of life begins. atm it just feels like its either or, and i really don't want to make the wrong decision.

ohhh i am a adult (18) in 1 week and 5 days!!! EEEEEEE am sooo excited! i bet even then i wont beable to make a decision for my self! lol good times!

xxx

life decisions

yet again i have left it for a couple of days untill i have been back at the computer as work has been insaine, well not really work more like i have come home from a long day at work (i am a sales assistant, nothing important) and just not had the energy to sit at the computer! after all of the drama from the last time i wrote, there hasnt been much elese hapened. Actualy nothing interesting has happened! its so snore!

atm i'm trying to decided whether to become a water sports instructor or not, i think it would be an amazing job, just being in the sea all day teaching. it would be so peacefull and exciting. Plus just think of all the hotties i would know :P that would be lush! i dont know where my head lies or my heart, i want to travel and being in the surf would be so much more fun than a stressful job in fashion, but a bit of stress is nice.

god! i am rubbish with decisions! i will go along to one of the open days at the UKSA place on the isle of white and see if i like it there :)

hope you all have a fab weekend i bet you can guess where i will be. . . thats right Work! i bet i will be sick of it by the end of sunday lol

love
xxxx

Playing with the Enemy

is playing with fire :P metaphorically not literally. its really lush :) feels dangerous and scandalous.

Always fun

:)

xx

if you havent got anything nice to say, don't say anything!

i'm sorry that i haven't left a post for the last couple of days, i've just been crazy busy with work, so earlier nights have been needed. had my first 9hr shift 2day from 9:30 - 6:30, was actually pretty fab :) got the bus at 7:55 where there was a stunning guy at the bus stop, Always improves the day! got into bicester at 8:30 and had a mooch down to BV with a nifty stop at Tesco for stuff for lunch, so i didnt have to go later. worked all day then ruth picked me up and came home, had tea, watched tv, read a bit of my new book (In bed with . . ) such a lush book, now on here, the usual.

found out some girls were chattign shit about me, but meh i'm gunna rise above it because i think its pretty pathetic really. So thats all i'm gunna say onthe matter.

i'm probably more pissed off at the fact that my ugly ex bf now has a new gf before i have a new bf, but i guess thats becuase the guy i like has a gf :( unobtainable is so attractive! damn it!

am gunna give nick a txt 2 see if he is around 2moz as i need his help and i need to buy some tickets off him. whether he txt's me back is a different matter, he is being lame atm! god! guys are so fustraiting!!!

xxx

yet another friday and saturday night spent at home!

the weekend has finally arrived, yet all i do is work both of the days. i'm bored of not going anywhere is the evenings! i hate living in a family where atm both parents are in and my sister is never home. i hate having friends who never want to go out because they have too much cw to do and i hate still living at home.

atm it feels like my life is slowly coming to a stale mate, where as it should be just begining!

i really want to become a water sports instructor and i hate the fact that it cost soo much money, which at the moment in time i don't have. the course i want to do costs £1200 inc flights and that is only the beginners.

i hate the fact that i am going to start college again in september and that then i will have another 2 years stuck here, when all i want to do is just start living my life.

i hate the way people put me down and tell me that i'm not good enough and dont think i will ever be. So a big Fuk you to them! i don't care what you think because i can prove you wrong. Just becuase YOU don't think i can, doesn't mean i'm gunna just stop. I'm gunna fight and prove to you that i am worthy becuase i know i am.

i hate the way i can't find any decent guys, and when i do i ALLWAYS muck it up!

i hate the fact i failed my driving test and now have to wait untill the end of april to do it again.

hopefully this will all start to change. i am ready for my life to start, i don't know where it will take me and i am really looking forward to traveling and meeting loads of people who will make a positive impact on my life.

heres to summer :) and summer love <3 the sun always makes things better, it my Fav time of year.

xxx

p.s i didnt end up going out last night with nick, but we were txting all evening so who knows where its going to go. i won't mind if we just stay friends, more would be nice but i think he is a cool, honest, funny, caring, great guy with a bit of a shady past. Who is just missunderstood by alot of people.

Yesterday and Today

Had a interesting day yesterday, it started off a bit rubbish because i failed my driving test. :( got 2 majors and 11 minors, for things that i have never done in a lesson before! bad times, but i have just booked my next one, so hopefully next time will be the one! then Ruth came to collect me and we went into London to go to London Fashion Weekend! when we got into london we meet up with Iain and went to Nandos for some food (after wandering about for a bout an hour trying to find pizza express!) which was very tasty . on the way in i saw some of my girls from College wich was fab but we had to rush to the catwalk, which was okay, have seen better but gave me a chance to see all the s/s trends first hand after reading about them all in the mags. After the show ruth and i got the train back home at around 09:30pm.

Today has been okay, Ruth and I went to tesco in AY then just watched some tv. Now i think i am gunna tidy my room as i havent been able to sleep in it for the last couple of weeks! lolz! hopefully Nick will get back to me about later aswell. However i know he is at work untill 7 so i probabs wont find out untilll around then. i dont mind if he doesn't cause i am tired, so i could do with staying in and catching up on some sleep.

hopefully something exciting will happen over this weekend so that it isnt just work, work, work, but who knows!

laters

xxx

looking for a boy for a friday night

Wow things change so quickly, last night was actually really nice and funny. i spent my evening (until 1:30am) talking to Nick who is a major hottie, was really fun and he might come with me on friday if he can sort band practices out and work, Hopefully he can come,which would be lush! however, i'm having major bad luck atm so i bet he won't be able to come and then i wont beable to go. i'm not gunna go if i am going to be on my own :(. im sure things happen ofr a reason, so you will have to watch this space to see how it all turns out. fingers crossed.

I'm really nervous/excited about tomorrow. It's gunna be a big day as i have my driving test so fingers crossed again. then i am going to London Fashion Weekend with Ruth and Iain, which will be fab!!! will be such a fun day after the start of my week! lol

i hope i am more lucky tomorrow :)

xxx

Today and Guy trouble

Today was pretty lush. I met up with Alice in town and just chilled for a couple of hours, which was fab. I always have fun hanging out with her, as she is one of my best friends :)

I think i might be treading on thin ice though on the Boy front. This feeling might be due to the fact that the guy who i might be hanging out with friday night is one of alices ex boyfriends, she knows about this, but it still feels a tad strange. i don't even know what is going on with him, or even if he is coming. i just dont really want to nag him into a decision on if he is coming or not. I am rubbish when it comes to guys. i never know what to say or do to make that transition from friends to bf (not that i like ash like that, i dont have a clue where my feelings ae with him lol). My last relationship was a total joke, and i dont even think i should count it as a relationship as it was only for 2 weeks and he was a total immature emo dick. teenage boys are over rated. i think i just am rubbish in picking nice guys to date, maybe if i lived somewhere different this would change, new scenary and new guy candy. i think thats just what i'm after, a new start :) all i gotta do is find a way of getting one.

xxx

Todays DRAMA

Today was just Drama, Drama, Drama! got woken up at 8:30 by my Dad saying that my Mum wasn't very well, Then had to call the doctors and wait to see if she got any better. She didn't so had to make my first ever call on 999 to gain an Amublance, and was marched off to hospital with her at 10am. have been has in the hospital all day waiting to see what was going on and got told that she might of had a minor stroke. JEEZE my family must have the worst luck ever! has been such a shit day! i am now basicaly looking after 2 sick parents on my own as my darling older sister does jack all to help, which is pissind me off! she is being so selfish and it is making me so cross. she says she cant handelt the extra stress? Well does she think i can???? she has done jack all after dad has come out of hospital after been in there for 6 week, 3 of them in the itu, and now she expects me just to deal with this aswell?? who does she think i am? bloody super woman?? i am left to try to hold every one together which she F***s Off with HIM? He isnt even her boyfriend! he is GAY! she is just so obsessed with him. she cant leave it 10min without txting him. its bloody rediculouse! i hope the week gets better and ends on a high, as thursday is gunna be a big day as i have my driving test and london Fashion week and Friday i might be going clubbing with Ash which would be lush if he can come :).

xxx

the joys of work

well the weekend is about to come to a end, and how eventful it has been. Friday night i went to the cinema in MK with my mother to see confessions of a shopaholic , which was lush. Nice to get out of the house as i hardly went out atall last week, as i have quit college. Then i just worked both Saturday (which was okay) and today ( which was a total mess!). i could tell that it was gunna be a bad day when i got up, and its was awful! when i got in at 10 i just couldn't be bothered to do anything and i was tired and i just felt horrible all day :(. Was sooo glad to finish at 4! Marie and i discovered that once you start wroking at Hilfiger you just can't get away! everone who works there has tried to get jobs other places, yet noone has been hired! its rubbish!!! i really want a new job, for a nicer brand which will look amazing on my cv and which pays more! this i feel, will only come when i have lost some waight as i am waining on the podgy side :(, i will start going to the gym again when my back is all healed which should be this week :) yay!! then i can start back at the gym and snowboarding!

plus some guys can be total dicks! this statement will change when i meet a nice one :)

xxx

The Next Chapter

Well hello again, it has been over a year since i last wrote in this :-S, but i guess i have alwyas been rubbish at keeping diarys! this time i am going to try harder as i am ALLWAYS on the computer. This is becuase i have just quit college and have yet to find a job which will give me a full time placement! at least i still have my job at Tommy Hilfiger which i guess will do for now :). Have had a Rubbish year but a year which was full of firsts:

1: first counseling session
2. first and second operation
3: first over night stay in hospital (which lasted for a week)
4: first time i have basically been an only child (as my sister basically lives with her friend James)
5: first time my dad has spent time in the ITU and was in hospital for 6 weeks
6: first time i went into London on my own
7: first driving lesson ( i now have my test next week!)
8: first time i went to college
9: first time i quit college
10: first time i have stopped to think about where my life is taking me.

However, even through 2009 has started off really rubbish, i am sure that it will get better :) i am solemnly swearing to myself that i won't let it get any worse. The way i see it is that the only way is up. That is the way i plan to go!

so here's to another New start. Hopefully this one will work out better than the last one :)

xxx